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Daily Poll/Archive/July 2008
July 27, 2008 *Points: McCain's Gas Tank Full of Nonsense, Justice Department Used Illegal Hiring *Truths: John McCain, FackCheck.org, factiness, truthiness, gas, Monica Goodling, Toby Keith Why can't FactCheck.org count the truthinesses in McCain's ads? They prefer facts. They don't have a PhD in factiness like Dr. Colbert. They forgot to have their employees checked by the Office of the Attorney General. Stephen's interns are too busy writing Toby Keith's lyrics. July 23, 2008 *Points: Squirrels on Drugs *Truths: Oxycontin, lobbyists, Rush Limbaugh, Corporations, Canada, beer Why is it important that we don't sell drugs at the same cheap prices as the high troop-deserters up in Canada? Squirrels will start singing with liberals in unincorporated parks. Not everyone can handle drugs as well as Rush can. Corporations would lose the incentive to invent great new beer flavors like Bud lime. Pharmaceutical corporations would have to pay lobbyists minimum wage. July 22, 2008 *Points: Birth Control Health Insurance *Truths: Viagra, Birth Control, condoms, John McCain, Stephen Colbert's Formula 400 Series, health insurance Why is viagra an essential part of every American's health plan? It keeps liberals off the streets. It's hard to keep the woman satisfied after a long day golfing with the guys. It guarantees every woman can have Stephen's baby. To replenish all the unborn children murdered by the abortionists and the condom. July 21, 2008 *Points: McCain Puts Gay Alabama Campaign Chairman in the Closet *Truths: Troy King, John McCain, homosexuals, sodomites, marriage, Tony Snow What caused the anti-homo Attorney General of Alabama to give into a sodomite? Irony. Tennessee is leaking dirty water with the gay virus across the border. An Obama terrorist infiltrated Alabama and drugged his soda pop. He was emotionally distraught by the passing of Tony Snow's colon. July 20, 2008 *Points: Osama bin Laden's driver gets trial *Truths: Osama bin Laden, terrorists, Guantanamo Bay, Greatest Vice President, The Donald, Muslims What will be the key proof of guilt for Osama bin Laden's driver? Dick tells George what to do. Alfred tells Batman what to do. All cab drivers are Muslim. Cheney's driver was never shot. The Donald actually listens to his assistants. July 17, 2008 *Points: *Truths: Tony Snow, FOX, FOX News, The Greatest President Ever, Scott McClellan How long should we mourn the passing of Tony Snow? Until FOX broadcasts the entire funeral with Bush forming Hillary tears. Until everyone who hasn't lowered their flag to half mast is interrogated. Until Scott McClellan drops to his knees and cries for forgiveness. As long as FOX decides. July 12, 2008 *Points: McCain Misses Tony Snow's Insights, Assassination Conspiracy Theory *Truths: Tony Snow, White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan, The Greatest President EVER!, Dick Cheney, colon, Health Care, irony Why did our Lord Jesus take Tony Snow from us? Irony. He took one for the team to protect FOX's health insurance rates. Dick Cheney took him hunting. He wasn't himself anymore and needed help from the Lord before he wrote a book like Scott McClellan. July 9, 2008 *Points Cheney Censors Climate & Disease Reports *Truths: The Greatest Vice President EVER!, The Senate, EPA, CDC, House Judiciary Committee Which wasteful, liberal, government bureaucracy needs Dick Cheney's help writing their reports the most? The Senate. The House Judiciary Committee. The EPA. The CDC. July 8, 2008 *Points: Tell House Judiciary Committee to hold Rove in Contempt, Tell Pelosi to Support Contempt for Rove, Stay The Course *Truths: Karl Rove, Nancy Pelosi, House Judiciary Committee, John Conyers, Congress What's the best way to get the liberals in the House to leave Karl Rove alone? Enjoy the lazy freem days of Summer. Stay the course. Tell the House Judiciary Committee to convict terrorist supporters. Support a national Karl Rove day for his commitment to truth, justice, and the American way! July 7, 2008 *Points: Hold the Wiretap Bill, Tell Pelosi NO! on FISA *Truths: wiretapping, freem, The Greatest President EVER!, spy, Nancy Pelosi, The Greatest Vice President EVER!, FISA, rights What's the best way to guarantee President Bush's executive privilege to "spy" on anyone who's a terrorist or supporter? Enjoy the lazy freem days of Summer. Tell Nancy Pelosi how pretty she looks when she blinks. Vote Dick Cheney for President 2008. Tell McCain to give Cheney his historic 3rd term as the greatest Vice President. July 6, 2008 *Points: Romney Proliferates McCain, Bush Protested at Speech, Condoleezza Proud to Invade Iraq, Pretend Patriots *Heroes: User:Thisniss *Truths: Robert Wexler, patriotism, The Greatest Vice President EVER!, Colbert Bump, Condi, Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, The Greatest President EVER! It has been a great weekend for America. Which candidate for Vice President has shown they love America the most? Robert Wexler by finagling the Colbert Bump on The Colbert Report. Tim Pawlenty by showing his support for the troops through a more conservative haircut. George W. Bush by bravely confronting protesters within shooting range. Mitt Romney by repeating whatever McCain says. Condoleezza Rice by stating how proud she is of invading Iraq. July 4, 2008 *Points: California Fires Rage on, Bush's Dog Barney ate EPA emails, Hancock interview *Truths: America, USA, Barack Hussein Obama, fireworks, California, sodomites, Hummers How will you celebrate the Liberation of Jesus Country? Watching Hancock explode on the silver screen. Watching gas-drenched Obama signs explode on lawns. Watching bears and sodomites burn at Big Sir in California. Dude, cold beer at the Hummer demolition derby. July 3, 2008 *Points: Bush Protects Osama, Fire Breathing Liberals *Truths: Dems, Barack Hussein Obama, Robert Wexler, Independence Day, Jesus, fireworks, books How did you spend the Independence of Jesus eve? Figuring out which mountain in Pakistan to blow to kingdom come. Bursting beer bottles off of Democrat campaign buildings. Showing Robert Wexler what fire breathing books looks like. Bursting beer bottles off of Obama campaign buildings. July 1, 2008 *Points: Infrastructure Cracks in America, McCain's Bridge to Flip Flop, Medical Helicopters Crash in Arizona, Crazy Engineers *Truths: infrastructure, pork, pork barrel spending, Congress, Democrats, John W. McCain Some liberal rag called "The Economist" suggested we'd have been better off spending the liberation money on infrastructure. What would have really happened? More pork barrels would have been bought, causing more bridges to collapse, just like John W. McCain said. More welfare moms would have had more babies and gotten fatter, causing more bridges to collapse, just like John W. McCain said. More Mexicans would have jumped a higher border fence, just like John W. McCain said. More toilet flushing and fatter national guards from eating too much would have caused more levees to fail, just like John W. McCain said. More helicopter pilots would have crashed into each other from overspending on pilot education and books, just like John W. McCain said.